This simple prayer is most commonly associated with AA/NA meetings as a form of opening and/or closing the support session. However, in the middle of a global pandemic, the Serenity Prayer can be a useful reminder for everyone. With such a large scale crisis, it can be easy to feel as if things are completely out of control and that we are powerless and unable to do anything. If you are like myself, you might struggle from time to time with the need to control. When you are in control of a situation, you can better predict the outcome of the situation which can lead to feeling less anxious, more powerful, more capable, and many other positive things.
The downside of this need to control is that not everything is 100% in our control. And when things out of our control occur we can feel, well, crazy, and anxiety-ridden, depressed, helpless, etc. What we need to remember is that we cannot control life. Life is going to happen on it’s own terms, whether you like what happens or not. That is where the Serenity Prayer comes into play.
“God, Grant me the Serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.“
(2003). The serenity prayer: Faith and politics in times of peace and war. New York: Norton.
If you are not religious, you can simply remove the word ‘God’, the message remains the same. There are things that will occur in our lives that we cannot control and do not know what the outcome will be. If we do not accept this, we will be stuck. That being said, even when things feel out of control, scary, or chaotic, there is one thing that we can control: how we respond to the situation/event or ‘change the things I can’. Even when things are not in our control, we are still in control of ourselves. We can control how we respond during conflict, even though we cannot control how someone responds to us. We can control how we show up in our lives, even when we cannot control some of the events that occur in our lives.
And finally, knowing the difference. Understanding what is and is not in our control in order to act accordingly. We are living in a very uncertain time and tensions can feel high. This does not mean all is lost. Using the pandemic as an example: I cannot control that we are in the middle of a pandemic. What I can control during this time is washing my hands frequently or wearing a mask when I need to go to the store. I can also practice social distancing as a way to keep myself and others safe. I cannot control the way others may respond to this pandemic. I cannot control if someone chooses not to wear a mask or not practice social distancing.
While it may be frustrating or nerve-racking to see other people respond to situations in an unhealthy way, it is not our responsibility to make their decisions for them. People learn when they make mistakes. If people are not allowed to make mistakes, how do we expect them to learn and grow?
I hope everyone reading this is able to find some sense of serenity during this time and is able to find that balance and wisdom of what can and cannot be controlled. Letting go of control is not easy, and once we find the ability to do so, we find ourselves living more in the moment and accepting life as it comes to us; which allows us to enjoy this journey. Be safe, be well, and most importantly, be kind to yourself.
Recovery Focus 